17th, Thursday
4 days ago
— 483010 notes
© frenums
@zackisontumblr
Reblog

frenums:

things that will always sound sarcastic

  • good for you
  • thanks a lot
  • yeah right
  • nice to know
  • wow
  • way to go
  • totally
  • ok buddy
Files:
17th, Thursday
4 days ago
— 296161 notes
© 4gifs
@zackisontumblr
Reblog
Files:
17th, Thursday
4 days ago
— 143661 notes
© zkac
@zackisontumblr
Reblog

saddeer:

zkac:

what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEE

i hate this i hate u 

Files:
16th, Wednesday
4 days ago
— 136808 notes
© chekhov
@zackisontumblr
Reblog

cumaddict72:

chekhov:

So this hot substitute logged into netflix and I wrote down the email with which he did it and used a service (it cost like $2) to find all other accounts connected to that email and I found his (private) twitter so I made a fake twitter of a hot girl and added a bunch of tweets over the course of a month to make it look legit and then I requested to follow him and he let me and he is the most goddamn boring person in the world

you need to be arrested

Files:

actual-ironman-tonystark:

queerqueensansa:

postllimit:

mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something

my dad has literally called me by his own name. 

my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years

multiple times

Files:
Files:

sherlocksmyth:

how come it’s cool for snakes to spit venom and unhinge their jaw to swallow people whole, but when i do it, i’m the “antichrist” and i need an “exorcism”?

Files:

nosdrinker:

everyone who reblogged this is my enemy

Files:

pixyled:

and-down-we-go:

My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but she hit send when all it said was

Hi Jeffrey,
      I am afraid

THIS POS T GETS ME EVEYRTIME

Files:

vivianvivisection:

jonesdavid813:

h0llo:

Putting on makeup is such a spiritual experience I watch myself go from a 3 to a 9 right in front of my mirror I love it

no, if you are putting on makeup, I don’t care who you are or what you look like, you go from about a 10 to 1

keep talking shit you gonna go from a basic ass 2 to a 6-feet-under

Files:

highfunctioningsociocat:

god-tieraradia:

hashtaghomicide:

what cats?!

wildteam!

GET YOUR GAME IN THE HEAD

Files:
16th, Wednesday
4 days ago
— 594575 notes
© shehlovee
@bagsofswags
Reblog

shehlovee:

Life is unfair. you put someone first who puts you second. you study your ass off for a final only to get a C. you give 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. you’re there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. it seems like you’re giving everyone everything and they’re just walking away with it.

Files:
Files:

stereofeathers:

stereofeathers:

stereofeathers:

stereofeathers:

FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK


YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD

 MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE

NO GOD PLEASE DONT LET THIS BE THE POST THAT MAKES ME TUMBLR FAMOUS

Files:
16th, Wednesday
4 days ago
— 43178 notes
© nonomella
@bagsofswags
Reblog

nonomella:

my chinese students really love english profanity because they dont get in trouble for it

i try to just ignore it so they don’t get a reaction and keep using it

but today during a creative writing exercise, a character was arguing with a dragon, and the kids needed to decide what the character would yell

this one kid raises his hand and calmly submits his suggestion of “f*ck you, you foolish dragon motherf*cker”

i dont know its just 

its difficult not to react to that

Files: